Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
