i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is Oprah even human
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
