when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just found a bag of teeth...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
