Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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