i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
