Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
