Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
