I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
