we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
