I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
