Nicole vs. Life
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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