ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
