My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
