I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
