Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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