Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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