do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
