ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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