I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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