mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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