I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize