Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
