My liver just broke up with me...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think people are normalizing furries
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
