is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
