dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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