I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
