i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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