I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
