I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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