His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
