Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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