i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
