FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
