he shaved USA in his pubs
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Come on in and take your pants off
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