i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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