there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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