sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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