my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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