Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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