They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
