She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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