Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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