I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
