My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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