Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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