My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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