Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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