She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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