Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
