My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
