Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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