so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
