On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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