Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
