I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
