3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
