She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
