dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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