so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
