I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
