girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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