Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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