you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
