the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think your dad took our porno
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
