I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
