i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
