Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
