i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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